Wa-alaykum al-salam wa-rahmat Allah.
Dear sister,
May Allah reward you for asking this important question, amin!
RIGHTS of the WIFE
• It is farz (obligatory) on the husband to pay to the wife whatever mahr was decided between them for the nikah! He should not delay it unnecessarily! [Qur’an 4:4, 2:236–7, 4:20–1, 4:24–5, 5:5, 60:10, 65:6]
• The husband is obliged to bear all the financial needs of the wife (e.g. food, clothing, shelter, treatment, etc.), even if the wife is earning money or even if she is rich! She does not have to spend a single penny on herself from her own money! The husband is also obliged to bear all the expenses in case of the children too! [Qur’an 4:34, 2:233, 65:6–7, 4:32]
• The wife has the right to accommodation separate from the in-laws! This can range from one single room to one complete house, depending on the capacity of the husband and their standard of living! [Qur’an 65:6]
• The wife is not obliged to serve any of her in-laws, and this is something over which all the scholars agree, as far as I know! And the husband has no right to force her to do it! But if she is doing it from her own free will then that should be taken as a favour by the in-laws and not as something they deserve!
• The husband is obliged to treat all the wives, if he has multiple wives, with justice and equity, e.g. spending equal time with them, keeping them all with equal status and standard of living! [Qur’an 4:3, 4:129]
• The husband is obliged to be kind with his wife and it is haram for him to beat or hurt her unless there is a valid reason approved by the Shariah! Otherwise, that would constitute oppression (zulm), which is absolutely haram! [Qur’an 4:34, 4:19, 65:6, 2:233, 4:3]
• The husband has no right to prevent the wife from meeting or visiting her parents and her close relatives (mahrams), but he may limit visiting if there is some valid reason approved by the Shariah! Because every Muslim, whether male or female, is obliged to be kind to their parents and relatives and maintain ties of kinship! [Qur’an 17:23–4, 17:28]
• The husband is obliged to fulfil the sexual needs of the wife, otherwise that would be denying her of her own lawful right and which can even open doors to haram acts! [Qur’an 23:5–7, 2:228]
• The husband has no right to force his wife to do anything haram, because no one is to be obeyed in something in which Allah is disobeyed! Because our “golden rule” is: no obedience to the creation in disobedience to the Creator.
• A pregnant wife is entitled to special care (and protection). [Qur’an 2:233, 65:6]
• Scholars also agree that the husband has no right to overburden the wife (e.g. with household chores, etc.). [Qur’an 2:233, 65:6–7]
• Scholars also agree that the husband is obliged to hire and pay for the maidservant if the wife is being overburdened. [Qur’an 2:233, 65:6–7]
• The wife has the right to have children. So the husband should not deprive her of the honour of getting pregnant and becoming a mother, which is her very lawful right!
• The husband has no right to take back any of the gifts (including the mahr) he may have given the wife even if they are going through a divorce unless she is guilty of open lewdness! [Qur’an 4:19–21]
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RIGHTS of the HUSBAND
• The husband has the right to be obeyed in all halal matters, being the head and maintainer of the family. [Qur’an 4:34]
• The husband has the absolute right to enjoy her wife physically (sexually), and the wife is obliged to make herself physically available whenever he wants, just as the wife has absolute right to enjoy her husband physically (sexually)! [Qur’an 23:5–7, 4:24, 2:228]
• The husband too has the right to have children, and the wife should not deprive or deny him the honour of having children and becoming a father.
• The wife is obliged to serve her husband according to her capacity and their standard of living!
• The husband has the right to have multiple wives even if it be for no reason or without the wife’s permission, and the wife has no right to object or prevent him as long as he is treating all of them with justice and equity! [Qur’an 4:3, 4:129]
• The wife should not spend the husband’s wealth for things that are beyond one’s essential needs without his permission.
• The wife is obliged to live with the husband unless they have mutually agreed to something else before or at the time of the marriage. [Qur’an 65:1, 65:6, 28:23–30]
• Matters like whether the wife would be allowed to work outside (e.g. at the office, etc.) or matters like polygamy by the husband should be decided by mutual agreement before or at the time of the marriage itself. If not decided already, then the wife would be obliged to abide by the decision of the husband!
• The wife should not let anyone enter the husband’s house whom he dislikes without his permission.
• The wife should not go outside the husband’s house except with his permission unless it was mutually agreed before or at the time of the marriage.
• The wife should not keep extraobligatory (nafl) fasts without the husband’s permission, in case he needs her physically (for sexual enjoyment).
• The husband is entitled to receive respect, honour, love, kindness, and cooperation from the wife, just as the wife is entitled to receive the same from the husband. [Qur’an 2:187]
• The wife should also beautify herself for the husband, just as the husband should do the same for the wife.
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COOPERATION between SPOUSES
The main driving force behind successful marriages is cooperation between spouses!
Allah says [Qur’an 2:187]:
…They [wives] are garment for you and you are garment for them …
What is the purpose of garment?
(1) to protect
(2) to cover up one’s faults
(3) to beautify
So, both the spouses should protect one another, cover up faults, drawbacks, and weaknesses of one another, and beautify one another!
Without cooperation, marriages don’t last, no matter how righteous they both maybe!
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MAHR of the WIFE donated in CHARITY by the IN-LAWS
It has been my observation that some husbands and/or the in-laws donate the mahr of the bride in charity to some mosques, etc.! This is haram, since the mahr is the right of the wife and her own money and her own property, and it is haram to spend someone’s money without their permission!
Some husbands and/or in-laws ask the bride before donating the mahr in charity and many a times the bride says yes for fear of shyness, embarrassment, or they getting false impression of hers, as she is new among them! This too is haram, as it involves taking undue advantage of someone’s situation!
The mahr should be handed over to the bride, as it is her own money, and she has the right to use it as she wishes!
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SEXUAL RIGHTS of the SPOUSES
Both the spouses have the right to sex with one another!
The wife has the right to enjoy her husband physically (sexually) just as the husband has the same right over the wife!
This is because one of the purposes of marriage is to maintain chastity. So when one of the spouses (whether husband or wife) denies sex to the other, it opens the doors to haram activities!
So, both the husband and wife are obliged to fulfil one another’s sexual needs and thus maintain one another’s chastity!
Allah says [Qur’an 23:5–7]:
And [successful are] those who are guarding of their private parts. Except on their spouses or what their right [hands] possess, for they are free of blame [in that case]. Then those who seek beyond that then they are the transgressors.
And He says [Qur’an 2:228]:
… And they [wives] have [rights] similar to [the rights] against them according to what is equitable …
Many quote the following hadith to show that the husband has the absolute right to sex with the wife:
The Prophet said, ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed [for sex] while she refuses to go, the angels curse her till the morning (or till she returns).
[Sahih al-Bukhari, book 67: book of marriage (kitab al-nikah), hadith 5193 and 5194]
But there is nothing in this hadith that suggests that the wife has no right to sex with the husband!
The above hadith only emphasizes that a wife should not refuse sex with the husband for no valid reason, keeping in mind the typical hypersexual nature of men!
That does not mean the wife has no right to sex with the husband or the husband can refuse sex with her for no valid reason!
There are other hadiths that explicitly mention the right of the wife over the husband, but are mainly missed out by those who quote the earlier hadith:
Abd Allah ibn Amr ibn al-Aas narrates that he used to fast all the time (i.e. everyday) and would recite the Qur’an every night. So the Prophet was informed about his actions. The Prophet then sent for him. When he came to the Prophet he asked him about his actions, and he replied in the affirmative. On that
the Prophet said to him, ‘Verily, your wife has a right over you, and verily, your visitor has a right over you, and verily, your body has a right over you.’
[Sahih Muslim, book 13: book of fasts (kitab al-siyam), chapter 35, hadith 182 (1159)]
Other narrations have the following wording too:
Abd Allah ibn Amr ibn al-Aas narrates that his father got him married to a lady of a noble family, and often used to ask his wife about him, and she used to reply, ‘What a wonderful man he is! He never comes to my bed, nor has approached me since he married me.’ When this state continued for a long period, his father informed the Prophet about his actions …
[Sahih al-Bukhari, book 66: book of virtues of the Qur’an (kitab fada’il al-Qur’an), hadith 5052]
But if one of them is not in the mood for sex then it has to be resolved by mutual love and understanding, not a fatwa!
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Read my answers here as well:
Men beating women
https://qa.islam.com/s/uuwfyk/men_beating_women
Women
https://qa.islam.com/s/cstmfh/women
Hadith
https://qa.islam.com/s/oacvjc/hadith
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You may read the following for more information here, but I can’t guarantee the authenticity of each and everything mentioned therein:
What are the rights of the husband and what are the rights of the wife?
What should the husband do for his wife during pregnancy?
https://islamqa.info/en/185145
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Wal-salam alaykum wa-rahmat Allah.
shees1993@rediff.com
